It’s official: Nothing about these Olympic Games are real. Nothing.

In the latest post-Opening Ceremonies revelation, the DAILY TELEGRAPH reports that the 56 children chosen to represent China’s 56 ethnic and political groups for the ceremonies were, in fact, all Han Chinese. The Han make up about 90 percent of China’s population, and run the show politically in the billion-strong nation. Like I said, man - Nothing is real.

“I assume they think the kids were very natural looking and nice,” Yuan Zhifeng, deputy director of the Galaxy Children’s Art Troupe said.

The official guide to the opening ceremony said that the children did not just represent but “came from” China’s ethnic groups.

This point was put to Wang Wei, executive vice-president of the Beijing organising committee at a press conference today. “I think you are being very meticulous,” he said.

He said it was “traditional” to use dancers from other ethnic groups in this way. “I would argue it is normal for dancers, performers, to be dressed in other races’ clothes,” he said. “I don’t know exactly where these performers are from.”

Sigh. China, seriously. When are you going to learn? You don’t impress people with mere appearances — the world is not going to turn to you as the next friendly world power just because you have some sweet-looking kids walk together in your shiny new stadium. What’s worse, this doesn’t even seem like the thing you need to lie about. Why? The stupid lies are almost compulsive at this point.

Of course, that’s not to mention how vaguely offensive this is. It’s like putting on a Puerto Rican Day parade and, for the sake of “appearance,” filling it with Italians.

Anyway, in their everlasting quest to showcase a favorable side of themselves, the Chinese keep being their deceptive, mysterious worst. This irony tastes like duck.