Chicago Bulls Get Balls Racked, Win First Pick

Chicago Bulls general manager John Paxson couldn’t even bring himself to brave O’Hare International Airport, sending EVP, Business Operations Steve Schanwald in his stead to Secaucus, NJ (a.k.a. “Almost One of the Top Ten Places to Live in New Jersey“) for the NBA Draft Lottery (a.k.a. “Bum’s Best Shot Bingo”).

Steve Schanwald of the Chicago Bulls

(He’s our upper management dork and we love him)

However, Paxson had to pull together a conference call after the ping pong balls fell in owner Jerry Reinsdorf’s favor, gifting the Bulls with the first pick of the 2008 NBA Draft. Please do not be surprised if Bulls players rub Schanwald’s head for luck before each game.

(Special note: Steve Schanwald served as Head of Promotions for the “We Are Family” Pittsburgh Pirates of ‘79 and ‘80. This luck-laden resource should have been tapped much earlier by Paxson.)

There’s already a complete lack of consensus in the blog ether about which of the two studs to draft: Michael Beasley or Derrick Rose. For the next 24 hours, though, it doesn’t matter terribly. Bulls fans (including yours truly) will merely enjoy a bit of good news - you know, the kind that was rather lacking last season.

Around the rest of the Secaucus caucus:

  • Again, as a Bulls fan, we could not be more relieved Kevin Love is now off the table for John Paxson.
  • We’d like to thumb our noses at Pat Riley’s disgusting game-throwing, but he did come out with the second pick for the Miami Heat, gaining the tasty scraps from Chicago. So it worked anyway. Great. Congratulations.
  • Jay-Z: Not getting it done.
  • Perhaps we can join Brooks in a Beasley-Rose round table later this summer (assuming Brooks is buying, natch).
  • The Timberwolves fall to the third pick of the draft despite the presence of a very special teddy bear. We’ll assume that bear saved all its luck for more important matters.
  • The Sonics pick fourth. They’re shooting for Perry Mason; they need a miracle to get out of that lease right now.
  • Mike D’Antoni went from flirting with the team with the first pick to signing with the team with the sixth pick, the New York Knicks. We don’t know how he’ll get to sleep at night with millions more in his contract and better local endorsement deals. It must be killing him.
  • Breaking news… John Paxson is still considering if he should accept the first pick. He doesn’t want to rush into anything. Ever.
  • Larry Brown has a clock in his new office that counts down the hours until he can shake Kevin Love’s hand and give him a Bobcats jersey (and ask for Mike Love’s autograph). Adam Morrison just hopes Love will talk to him.
  • The Indiana Pacers, on the other hand, hope Larry Brown forgets to oil his hip and can’t make it to the draft in time, letting them fill out their roster with Kevin Love. There’s just something about him they really like. They can’t put their finger on it.
  • The Trail Blazers are going to be sick next season. Just… wow. (How’s that for cogent analysis?)