How To Boost Your Uni Sales? Buy Them Yourself

Didier Drogba likes to be on the top of the table in everything, from scoring the most goals to the league standings to the pocketbook. What can he say? He’s a winner that loves to win.

Didier Drogba goes kit shopping

When it comes to goals, Drogba repeatedly pushes the envelope of the offsides call to score. If his team’s not helping him reach the top of the league or financial standings, Drogba’s not above shopping elsewhere for success. And if his jersey’s falling behind the sales of Frank Lampard or John Terry kits in the Stamford Bridge shops, he’ll spend thousands of pounds to catch up.

As the DAILY MAIL reports:

“One Chelsea insider claimed Drogba visits the club shop up to 10 times a week and on one occasion walked out of the store with 40 shirts priced at approximately £45 each, setting him back £1,800.”

Chelsea will certainly miss Drogba next season for his deft touch and assassin’s cold shooting heart, but they’ll also miss the salary saved by having him empty the gift shop every week to keep his friends in Ivory Coast clad in his #11.

Unfortunately, Drogba has not considered one likely possibility: Lampard and Terry may not be outselling him. Didier has been whipping out his credit card so often as to soften the plastic from the friction while Terry and Lampard might be in the Accounting department berating and belittling the poor clerk tasked with counting the kits sold each week.

Lampard could be sighing incessantly and Terry might be jamming his finger in her face until she gives in and “re-examines” the numbers more favorably for the barrister-like duo, leaving Drogba with an armful of his own vanity and Terry and Lampard with the record at the end of the month.