Chavez Advises K-Rod On ‘Difficult’ United States

Venezuela’s president, Hugo Chavez took time away from his busy schedule imprisoning and murdering political dissidents and uniting South America as a totalitarian-run continent to put in a phone call to Mets closer and Venezuelan Francisco Rodriguez.

Hugo Chavez Advises K-Rod Francisco Rodriguez

Apparently the news of Rodriguez being arraigned on charges of assaulting the grandfather of his children struck a chord with the bloodthirsty tyrant.

Chavez recently talked about that phone conversation during a speech delivered on Venezuelan’s state-run television network:

“The day before yesterday I called El Kid Rodriguez because he got into a problem over there.

“It appears that he hit his father-in-law. I don’t know, they were arguing, and they put him in jail for a few hours. I called him and said, ‘Kid, what happened to you?’ He said, ‘I’m here, President, heading to the stadium.’ He was entering the stadium.’

“We love you, Kid. Control your impulses. The Kid Rodriguez. The pride of all of us. Young man of this nation. Of course, over there in a difficult world. Difficult.”

Perhaps inspired by Chavez’s treatment of free markets in Venezuela, the Mets recently placed Rodriguez on the disqualified list after it was learned the pitcher injured his thumb while striking the grandfather of his children.

Okay, maybe I’m being a little hard on Chavez on that last point, seeing as the employment rate for food tasters has absolutely plummeted in-country since he took power.