So you’re one who couldn’t come up with an excuse not to take your 90-year-old Notre Dame diehard grandpa out to the Borders book store in Mishawaka, Ind., to get Irish football coach Charlie Weis’ autograph on his new lame book, “No Excuses: One Man’s Incredible Rise Through the NFL to Head Coach of Notre Dame.”

Here’s what you need to know (according to the submissive released by the Borders patrol) about attending the book signing, which begins at 7 p.m. sharp tonight (Jan. 11):
–This is Weis’ only book signing appearance schedule for 2007. (They couldn’t find a forklift company willing to tour with him around the country to bring in him and out of the buildings).

–To ensure Weis is able to meet as many fans attending this event as possible, no posed photographs are allowed. (As if anyone in the Midwest owns a wide-angle lens anyway).

– When autographing copies of “No Excuses,” Weis will not be able to personalize his message. (So you can’t say, “Please, please, make it out to my dead father Rudy.”)

– No memorabilia will be signed. (If that’s what you’re looking for, there are plenty of websites offering overpriced objects with his over-compensating itsy-bitsy scribble, but nothing that shows the Irish’s losing streak in bowl games is up to nine after the embarassment at the Sugar Bowl).

– Beginning at 9 a.m. Thursday, Jan. 11 wristbands will be given out on a first come, first served basis to persons who have purchased a copy of “No Excuses.” Wristbands will hold each person’s place in line, but do not guarantee a chance to meet Charlie Weis. (If there’s no guarantees of being able to curse him out face-to-face, why bother showing up at all?)