Chad Couldn’t Even Spell His New Name Right

No one believed Chad Johnson when he said he would legally change his name to reflect his nickname, “Ocho Cinco.” But that’s just what he did last summer, in an attempt to wear the name on his uniform. The NFL balked, saying he’d have to pay for the already-made Johnson jerseys. Well, no more is he shackled to his human name.

Chad Ochocinco

The NFL finally agreed this week to let him put his new name on the back of his uniform. And therein lies hilarity. He’s only allowed to wear his legal name, and his legal name isn’t “Ocho Cinco.” It seems when Chad filled out the paperwork to change his name, he didn’t get it quite how he wanted.

The former Chad Johnson is now Chad Ochocinco. That’s right, Ochocinco is one word. Um, name. No space, no capitalization. So when he dons his Bengals jersey this season, the name on the back will read: OCHOCINCO. Which kind of looks like it should be a Japanese chocolate company.

“It’s his legal name,” AFC information manager Corry Rush said with what I can only infer was a resigned sigh. What makes it even more official is that Chad Ochocinco now has his own Wikipedia page.

And don’t think for a second the NFL isn’t enforcing this typo to stick it to him.

HBO’s Hard Knocks is shaping up to be the greatest thing ever put on television. And here’s hoping that once Cincinnati decides to, er, ochenta y seis him, he winds up in either Detroit or St. Louis, where the number 85 is retired.