Coyotes’ Backup Goalie Has All-Star Caliber Mask

Jason LaBarbera, a career backup goalie on his third team in as many seasons in the league (fourth overall), is just a couple months shy of his 30th birthday and doesn’t show any signs of being a big-time goalkeeper. Only the more ardent NHL fans would know off the top of their heads who LaBarbera […]

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Speed Read: An Evening Of Florida Pillow-Fighting

Normally, you don’t see a broadcast booth spend a plurality of a football game raving about the “time of possession” statistic. Then again, normally, you don’t see a team win said battle by a full 30 minutes of game time, which is precisely what Miami did to Indianapolis last night. And then again, you don’t […]

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WWE CEO Linda McMahon For Senate? Oh, Good

9 times out of 10, politics is a thoroughly insufferable exhibition of pandering, falsehoods, and carefully staged appearances designed to minimize any tests of critical thinking or knowledge. Always smile, always believe in America, say things like “strong,” then spend the GDP of Africa on ads. Rinse, repeat, try to keep from regurgitating dinner.

(I remember […]

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Wrestler Busted For Playing Amateur Pharmacist

Like many men of my generation, I once went through a brief & regrettable pro wrestling phase. Mine happened during my sophomore year of college, 1999-2000. It was the age of nu-metal and rap rock; just some months before, I voluntarily attended a Limp Bizkit/Staind concert (10/12/99, Kansas City, MO, in case you want to […]

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WWE Diva Has Fake Breasts. Well, Breast, Anyway

You’ll probably remember - because honestly, who can forget something this ridiculous - the fiasco this January when a Rock of Love retired stripper contestant burst a breast implant while tooling around on a hockey rink to win Bret Michaels‘ love. No, it doesn’t make sense.

(As you can see, this young woman clearly has complete […]

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Um, Pro Wrestling Actually Punishes Steroid Use?

It was just announced that Rey Mysterio (nĂ© Oscar Gutierrez) was suspended by the WWE for steroid use. If you’re like us, you’re utterly shocked, SHOCKED… that the WWE actually tests for that stuff. With all due respect to the wrestlers who build their bodies naturally, um, look at your colleagues.

(This guy? He’s the […]

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Miss. State Brings Body Paint, Fellatio To Rivalry

On Tuesday, we brought you the story of Tennessee’s shirtless “Wild Boyz,” which sounds like the name of an “alternative” adult movie - and which looks like one, too. But despite the overwhelming shirtlessness of it all, it was still a bit, well, passive. It’s not an orgy if everyone’s just standing around; you need […]

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“Rowdy” Roddy Piper Gets A “Rowdy” Rod-D-U-I

Roddy Piper, in his defining role as Nada in the seminal classic They Live, uttered one of the finest lines in cinematic history just 20 short years ago: “I came here to chew bubble gum and kick ass, and I’m all out of gum.”

(Surely an upstanding peer like Mickey Rourke never would have encouraged substance […]

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Scotsman Rowdy Roddy Piper Likes The Scotch

It was about a year ago when video emerged of “Rowdy” Roddy Piper hitting the bong. (”That’s funny tasting tobacco, man.”) But, as he was battling Hodgkin’s lymphoma, everyone pretty much gave him a free pass. This time, I’m not sure though; is alcohol commonly prescribed in California to counteract loss of appetite?

Piper, born Roderick […]

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Mexican Mini Wrestlers And Prostitutes Don’t Mix

What you’ve always feared has unfortunately come true: Brothers Alberto and Alejandro Jiminez, better known to mini-wrestling fans as La Parkita and Espectrito Jr., were found dead in their Mexico City hotel room on Monday after an apparent romp with hookers. Will the tragic celebrity deaths never end? Why, oh why did La Parkita […]

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