Hero Janitor Thwarts Girls X-Country Masturbater

While this isn’t quite on the level of earlier stories about the marathon runner who ran down her assailant or the elderly ex-boxer who beat up a burglar, let it be known that high school custodians can be heroes, too. A 39-year-old Fountain Valley (Calif.) man was arrested Tuesday after the janitor at Fountain Valley […]

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You’re With Me, Bikini: ESPN Loves Girls’ Surfing

OK, where’s the ESPN ombudsman? Further blurring the line between “mainstream” sports sites, blogs and, well, skin mags, the WWL rolled out a piece on Wednesday entitled “They’ve Got The Look,” which chronicles the up-and-coming sport of female surfing. And what would an in-depth ESPN take on surfing be without zillions of photos of attractive […]

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A Final Word On Jacko From The Ultimate Warrior

Although he’s been retired from professional wrestling since 1999, you’ll be happy to know that you can still keep tabs on The Ultimate Warrior — or just “Warrior,” I guess, through his blog, WARRIOR’S MACHETE. And what a magical treat it is. This week’s subject: Michael Jackson.

If you thought that a former pro wrestler might […]

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Speed Read: Shaq To Cavs … The Dance Begins

Shaquille O’Neal is now a Cleveland Cavalier, and according to this, he found out about the trade via Twitter. So the franchise’s quest to acquire a suitable playmate for LeBron James, not to mention bring the city its first pro sports title in 45 years, seems to be serious this time. And all it cost […]

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T.O. On Receiving End Of Some Crazy This Time

In the end, Terrell Owens met his downfall the way that most great athletes do — tangled in cargo netting. Owens and teammate Joanna Krupa were the first team eliminated during Tuesday night’s debut of “Superstars” on ABC, which paired athletes with celebrities in a series of athletic stunts. And in a sort of glorious […]

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The 2009 Air Sex Championships Are Finally Here

Riot for the Lakers all you want, but I’m saving my civil disobedience for later this month when they crown the title winner of the 2009 World Air Sex Championships. We all learned about Air Sex here last month, and now we’re hurtling toward a North American Champion with the 2009 Air Sex Tour, which […]

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Let’s All Eat Something That’s Designed To Kill Us

Eating contests are gross enough, but the competitors are horking down too much of something that’s at least meant to be edible. Then you’ve got the stinging nettle, a plant that’s grown tiny spines to avoid being eaten. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the World Stinging Nettle Eating Championship!

Taking place yesterday in England […]

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Yes, Baby Racing Is Here; Will Civilization Survive?

Since the dawn of man, we’ve all asked ourselves the same question: How can we make our babies go faster? Of course the Lithuanians are the first to get a real handle on this, perfecting the sport of baby racing. Don’t ask about the pit stops, you really don’t want to know.

You may think that […]

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Worst Person Ever Attacks Special Olympic Relay

You were awful in Little League as a kid, which prematurely ended your dreams of being a professional athlete. Throughout high school you harbored hatred for the jocks, and as a grown man you reached a breaking point one lonely morning watching “SportsCenter”. So you took it upon yourself to target a group of athletes […]

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Pro Skateboarders Are Different Than You And Me

So I’ve always wondered exactly what goes on during a typical day in Jereme Rogers’ neighborhood. Now I know. The pro skateboarder — who was TransWorld Skateboarding’s 2006 Rookie of the Year — had to be subdued by police on Monday after he stripped naked, climbed onto the roof of his home and began preaching […]

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