Stephen Colbert Sponsors US Speed Skating Team

One of the less visible consequences of the global financial crisis that the political party you hate is solely responsible for is the plight of those teams and athletes whose sponsorships dried up alongside the banks’ profit margins. The US speed skating team, in particular, was hard hit; they were due $300,000 from a Dutch […]


Yep, Rio Is Totally Prepared To Host The Olympics

Just two weeks after a day-long party celebrating its selection as host city for the 2016 Summer Olympics, it’s back to business as usual for Rio de Janeiro: Rampant gang violence resulting in multiple deaths. The photo below shows a police helicopter that was shot down by one of the drug gangs, crash-landing on a […]


New, Bendy Winter Olympic Medals Look A Bit Sad

The Vancouver Winter Olympics are still a year away, but they’ve already given us so much. We love you, Vancouver Games, for your Olympics torch that looks like a doobie; your bitchin’, surfboard-riding logo; your nightmare fuel mascots (including lil’ Hitler!), your low-key protesters, and now this. Introducing the 2010 Winter Olympics medals, by Salvador […]


Rio Might Not Be Wisest Choice For Olympic Golf

Hip hip hooray for Rio de Janeiro, the 2016 Summer Olympics hosts. Sure, all of the endemic problems with Chicago (crime, corruption, not enough white people) are only worse down there, but hey, thongs and a giant Jesus cure all ills, right?

(That’s pretty cool, guys, but I don’t see anywhere to play 18 in that […]


Olympian Lolo Jones’ Pic From ESPN ‘Body Issue’

More and more pictures are being leaked from ESPN THE MAGAZINE’s well-hyped “The Body Issue,” most notably cover models Gina Carano, Serena Williams, and amputee triathlete Sarah Reinertsen. And though the cleavage-heavy pictures of Carano and Williams (to say nothing of the heavy beefcake of Adrian Peterson and Dwight Howard) are certainly titillating, it seems […]


The 2016 Olympics: Welcome To The City Of Jesus

Although things aren’t too cheerful at the White House right now, there’s much banging of percussion instruments and dancing the Samba in other parts of the world over Rio de Janeiro’s choice as host of the 2016 Olympic Games. Exotic beaches. Beautiful women. These guys. It’s gonna be the world’s biggest party, right?

Well, maybe, but […]


HIPSTER RED ALERT: Chicago 2016 Shirts On Sale

If you’ve got a healthy sense of irony and a sh*theel streak a mile long, we’ve got sensational news for you. As you’ve likely heard, Chicago was axed from Olympic consideration this afternoon as the IOC tabbed Rio for the 2016 games. Thongs and drugs ahoy! What does that mean for you, hipster? Only a […]


Rio de Janeiro Gets The 2016 Summer Olympics

Just gone official. Good for them.

(Why do I have formerly jaded Oly-attending media members will be there?)
Pretty astonishing there’s never been an Olympic Games in South America to this point. That may have been the final, driving force in the decision. (At least I hope it was.)

(Somehow IOC was able to avoid the rapturous allure […]


O, NOPE: Chicago Bounced Out Of Olympic Voting

UPDATE: Rio gets The Games.

UPDATE: Tokyo has been eliminated, Madrid (thanks Juan!), Rio remain as finalists.
UPDATE: Updated odds on Madrid: 3 to 1. Rio: 1 to 5. Brazilian Real rose 1/2 % against the Dollar in currency markets when Chicago was eliminated.
UPDATE: President expected back at White House in two hours, will likely meet […]


Pele Says He’ll Rep Brazil ‘Til Death; Where’s MJ?

The IOC’s highly anticipated 2016 Summer Olympics vote is tomorrow, and what initially appeared to be a slam dunk for the USA has turned into a legitimate two-horse race.

(Pele, representing his country by holding up a Brazilian flag. Please disregard the flag in his other hand.)
Try as President Obama might, Chicago is facing stiff competition […]