Steal Lance’s Bike, Go To Prison For Three Years

The storybook criminal career of Lee Monroe Crider ended not how we thought it would — in a blaze of machine gun fire with G-Men while accompanied by a mysterious Lady in Red — but in a nondescript Sacramento courtroom. That’s where Public Enemy No. 1 received three years in the Graybar Hotel for one […]

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Lance Blames Crow’s Biological Clock For Breakup

Not content to let Jose Canseco continue to dominate the literary world, Lance Armstrong has a new book coming out in July. So get set to make some room on your bookshelf for the simply-titled “Lance”, a cyclist’s story as told to John Wilcockson. (Heh, Wilcockson.)

Among the subjects touched in the upcoming missive is Armstrong’s […]

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US Cyclist Tests Positive Again, Promptly Retires

Tyler Hamilton, who is to Lance Armstrong what Scottie Pippen was to Michael Jordan, has tested positive again in another drug test, this time for the banned steroid DHEA. After hiding the news for a month, including claiming “bronchitis” when dropping out of a race, the cyclist has decided to retire from the sport at […]

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Will Tour de France Bar Armstrong Over Shower?

For whatever reason, France hates Lance Armstrong. Seriously, they haaaate him. They hate him with a visceral disgust that they usually reserve for the Spanish (we’re just assuming that, like the residents here, Europeans hate anyone who lives across a political border from them). They were even discussing whether to make the day Lance broke […]

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Speed Read: Cubs Riding Hard Liquor Bandwagon

It wasn’t enough for Diageo, the makers of Smirnoff vodka, to invite the good folks of Phoenix out to see their hockey team free with the purchase of a bottle of booze.  Now they’re plastering their name across The World’s Largest Beer Garden in an attempt to make further inroads into the sports scene. That’s […]

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Lance Armstrong In Hospital After Spanish Crash

Lance Armstrong has been on the post-cancer cycling comeback trail since announcing his unretirement back in January. However, his quest for an 8th Tour de France triumph may have been knocked off course.

During a race in Spain on Monday, Armstrong was caught up in a crash that involved as many as 20 other cyclists. Worst […]

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Lance Armstrong Is Not Fazed By “Syringe Man”

During the Tour of California, Lance Armstrong was visited along the route by “Syringe Man,” who appears to be an Andy Richter lookalike dressed up like some sort of evil Charlie Brown. And I know what you’re thinking: There’s another cycling race other than the Tour de France? I just thought they all came out […]

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SbB Clever Caption Contest: California Crashin’

Hey, readers! Time for another adventurous SbB Clever Caption Contest!
Today we witness the aftermath of a crash on the Tour de California:

Wha’ happened? Submit your suggestions into the comments section linked below. Winner will be announced in the end-of-the-day recap.
Good luck & good writing!

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Speed Read: Introducing The, Uh, “Shaqawockeez”

The 58th All-Star game is in the books, and the West absolutely destroyed the East, 146-117. At one point, it was 20-8 in favor of the East All-Stars before Kobe Bryant led the West on a 19-0 run, and the Westies never looked back. It’s hard to imagine what was the better Shaquille O’Neal highlight: […]

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Man Bikes 180 Miles For Sex With 15-Year-Old Girl

Cycling has never really been my thing, but it’s hard to ignore a story out of Scranton, Pennsylvania about a guy who rode his bike from Maryland to Scranton for the sole purpose of meeting and having sex with a 15-year-old girl. He’s a regular Lance Armstrong, this guy. Just much, much creepier.

(I’m just assuming […]

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