Catching Up With Craig James, Whitest Man Ever

During his heyday with the Patriots in the 1985-86 season, Craig James was known throughout the sporting world as “The Great White Hope” because of his odd pale skin color in a position dominated by, well, less white folks. (Conventional wisdom is that white people just aren’t smart enough to play running back.) In fact, James’ 1,227 rushing yards he put up that year are still the last time a white running back has passed that all-important 1,000-yard barrier. So for someone always associated with the color of his odd skin, it’s no surprise that James spends his free time doing one of the whitest things imaginable: Stone cold ranchin’, Texas-style!

Craig James

(Glory Days: Craig James circa 1986)

In an interview with NEWSOK, James comes clean with what he does when he’s not manning the broadcast booths for ESPN’s college football coverage: raising some cattle in the great state of Texas. Honestly, besides square-dancing, wearing pants up around your belly-button, or watching “Mad About You”, is there anything more inherently white than cattle ranching?

When asked to respond to the hard-hitting investigative journalism question “Do you enjoy ranching?”, James gave this explosive response:

I love it. I enjoy the country, and I’m a really big hay and cattle producer. I may run 3,000 to 5,000 yearlings at any given time. I’m also probably one of the biggest hay producers in the state of Texas. I have my spurs on quite a bit and get out and enjoy the fresh air. I probably own 15,000 acres and I just sold a 27,000-acre place. This is a different side of me than what people see on TV.

As you can see, controversial response. The interview only gets interesting down a-ways, when he’s asked to respond to whether or not he thinks Mike Leach will remain at Texas Tech after this year:

Mike is a pretty smart cat. He likes to walk around with a Starbucks coffee cup in his hand and not have some wisecracker driving down the road blasting him verbally. He’s in a pretty good spot there.

Smart cat! Starbucks coffee cup! Wisecracker! Even the references and verbiage he uses are all super-white! So let’s take this opportunity to raise our glasses of Diet 7-Up, or cartons of Ben & Jerry’s vanilla ice cream, and salute the Whitest Man in America, Mr. Craig James. Huzzah! (Note: If you’re thinking about getting him a late Christmas present, he never turns down a Gap gift card.)