With the Olympics set to begin in Beijing tomorrow night, I’ve been spending a lot of time lately trying to get myself into a patriotic mood (and injecting steroids through tattoos of course). One of my methods is by singing the National Anthem to myself in the bathroom mirror. Using my comb as a microphone, I’ve been belting out some rather tear-inducing renditions - and have had the cops called on my home twice.

I am not deterred, however, for it doesn’t matter how horrible I am at singing, my love for this country won’t be denied by anybody. I should point out, though, that even if my version of the Anthem isn’t too good, it’s still better than the one Carl Lewis performed 15 years ago at a New Jersey Nets/Chicago Bulls game back on January 21st, 1993. That was horrible. Don’t believe me? Check it out for yourself.

Scary, right? Well things could be getting even scarier as Lewis tells CNBC’s Darren Rovell that he’d be willing to do it again.

From Rovell’s SPORTSBIZ:

Me: Will you ever sing the National Anthem again?

Carl: I don’t know. It may happen again one day. Trust me, there’s a lot of things in life I said I’d never do and somehow people convince me to do it.

Me: But don’t you think you have to sing it again to prove you can, you know, start on the right key?

Carl: People know me know my past, what I stood for, what I did for the sport. As far as the Anthem goes, people know where to find me. They know how to get me to do it again. (Lewis rubs his fingers together as if to say it would take money.)

I say we all pool our money together right now so that we can pay Carl not to sing the National Anthem, or any song for that matter, ever again. After all, there’s nothing more patriotic than the Constitution, and I’m pretty sure there’s something in there that says we shouldn’t be subjected to cruel and unusual punishment.

Now if you don’t mind me, I’m going to go work on adding “America the Beautiful” to my catalog.