‘Canes Develop Unhealthy SpongeBob Fascination

A couple weeks ago, Miami head coach Randy Shannon encouraged his players to avoid watching ESPN or any other coverage of their season, believing any positive press would serve little more purpose than as a distraction. Wunderquarterbacken Jacory Harris took things a step further, telling his teammates to only watch SpongeBob SquarePants, believing that if their hype hit that show, only then would it have been deserved*.

SpongeBob SquarePants U Miami
(Oh, it’s on.)

Well, one semi-innocuous comment later, things have pretty much flown off the rails. The inimitable 7TH FLOOR BLOG was on the story from the start, but the fad has spread to unlikely sources, including what might be the worst newspaper article we’ve ever seen.

Shortly after Harris’ comments, which were only made public after Miami’s quasi-upset of then-Top 10 Oklahoma, the Internet got to work connecting SpongeBob and the Hurricanes. By that, we mean this happened:

(Video by 31 SPOONER STREET)

Also, this happened - audio is insanely NSFW, so headphones, earmuffs, whatever it takes:

Ah, the classics. Anyway, fast forward a few more days (and one easy drubbing of Florida A&M this weekend), and now the MIAMI HERALD is getting into the act, somehow quoting SpongeBob “himself” and dubbing themselves the BIKINI BOTTOM TIMES. No, seriously, this actually happened:

For nearly two weeks, this town of colorful marine life has been united in celebration after one of its most humble residents — SpongeBob SquarePants, a fry cook at the seafood restaurant Krusty Krab — received partial credit for the Miami Hurricanes’ 21-20 win against the Oklahoma Sooners.

“It’s all about The U!” said SquarePants, who hasn’t stopped bragging about his unlikely local celebrity status. “I’m going to go down in Miami Hurricanes lore forever. Put me on a T-shirt!”

Do you want it to get even more unreadable? Because it gets worse:

“The Miami Hurricanes are the best one-loss team in college football,” SquarePants said. “And if the Dolphins beat the Jets on Monday night, then they’re pretty good, too. We love the Dolphins in Bikini Bottom. They’re the protectors of the ocean.”

And just like that, FAD OVER. If you ever want to know what it’s like to be a parent of a teenager, watch the dynamic between newspaper media and Blogfrica. “Oh, you caught on to something we were doing? Took you long enough, we’re already over it, and you just made it not cool. Leave us alone. Also, support us and give us sustenance KTHXBAI!”

*This would be unlikely, of course, as SpongeBob’s sidekick Patrick Star is currently coaching Notre Dame football.