O (For) Canada Still Looking For Elusive 1st Medal

We’re pretty spoiled here in America, as we not only get to live in the greatest country on Earth, but the people who live here are pretty talented, too. That’s why when you check out the medal counts in Beijing this summer, you’ll see the United States near the top of the board battling with host China (China’s edging America out 35 to 34 right now).

Canadian Flag

Apparently, though, all the talent and gifted athleticism that Americans are born with has as hard a time crossing the border into Canada as Osama Bin Laden carrying a ticking bag. We’re officially a week into the Olympics, and our neighbors to the north are yet to get on the board. Swimmer Mike Brown is the latest Canuck to let his country down.

From the CBC:

Mike Brown of Perth, Ont., couldn’t capture his country’s first hardware of the Beijing Games on Thursday, finishing fourth in the men’s 200-metre breaststroke.

Swimming in Lane 5 at the National Aquatics Centre, the 24-year-old Brown touched the wall in a time of two minutes 9.03 seconds, missing the podium by just 9-100ths of a second.

“I’d love to be on that podium,” a downcast Brown told CBC Sports. “Sorry, guys back home that I couldn’t bring you home a medal, but I gave it my all.”

This whole thing really puts Michael Phelps‘ performance in perspective. The entire country of Canada is yet to win a single medal, while Phelps has won five golds on his own, and is only going to add more to his total. Hell, if Phelps decided to secede from the United States and become his own country, he’d be fifth in the medal count at Beijing.

As if that’s not enough to make Canadians even more ashamed of their performance, the country of Togo sent only one athlete to the Olympics this year. His name is Benjamin Boukpeti, and he is representing his country in kayaking. Guess what Boukpeti did?

Why he won the bronze medal in the k-1 slalom canoe/kayak event earlier this week of course. So the little country of Togo sends one guy, and he’s going to come back home with the small African country’s first Olympic medal.

Togo, Georgia, Azerbaijan, Mongolia, Tajikistan, even Borat’s beloved Kazakhstan have all been able to win at least one medal, with some winning as many as four. Meanwhile, Canada sits on the edge of the dance floor watching all his friends have a good time while he cries into his Shirley Temple.

It’s pretty sad when you think about it - if by sad, you mean hilarious. U.S.A! U.S.A.!