Bud Selig’s regular shuttle from Milwaukee to Scottsdale this spring had a bit of a snafu this week when the landing gear didn’t respond properly just after takeoff, forcing the fuel to be burned off around Mitchell International Airport before a tense landing in the presence of emergency personnel.

(What, me worry?)

Thankfully, the calm and collected staff of Mitchell, the FAA, and the flight crew handled the situation without incident. Selig was not concerned, of course; according to his mouthpiece, “Stuff like this doesn’t cause him to pause.” After all, there were still pilots in the ‘pen, so he didn’t have to make a decision.

If he had been forced into action, though, it could all have been quite different. First, the flight would have been financed 70-30 by the citizens of Milwaukee through tax increment financing and a sales tax. The Canadair 600 would instead have been a DC-6 luxury airliner with luxury suites surrounding a cramped pilot’s cabin.

If an error happened with the landing gear on the DC-6 upon takeoff, the plane’s scorer would have ruled it a hit with all the passengers. Joe Buck would then crackle onto the on-board radio and cluck at the decision with Tim McCarver droning on about how he landed a 747 in 1973 with his mask and glove still on.

When the pilots asked him what to do, Selig would have shrugged and asked to get Jeffrey Loria on the phone to see if he was interested in trading the Marlins for this flight at a discount. If that failed, Green Bay and Muskegon, MI, would be offered the flight in order to pressure Milwaukee to build the emergency presence required to land the plane.

Instead of burning off fuel, smaller planes would carry baskets under the DC-6 and catch all the fuel to save money. Once completed, the pilot would finally be able to point out to Selig that all of the empty condos and malls built around runway 19M as part of the MLB development deal with Mitchell were blocking the landing, making it more difficult.

No matter, though; despite every misstep by Selig along the way, the skill and passion of the flight crew would rescue the flight to the relief and delight of all.

When all was finally safe, Selig would step from the plane looking as rumpled as he did when he entered and blame the entire event on Donald Fehr. Dusty Baker would agree and add that the navigation equipment in the cockpit probably confused the flight crew with numbers when they should just trust their eyes.