Okay, time to play a guessing game. I’m thinking of a former athlete. No, it’s not Kent Tekulve. Let me get to the other clues before you guess anymore. Anyway, this guy has a raging mullet, a ladyslayer of a moustache, he packs hot fire in his right arm… and he hails from Shelby, North Carolina. Oh, it must be Kenny Powers from HBO’s hit comedy Eastbound and Down, right?

WRONG, BITCHES! As the graphic shows, that’s Shelby’s true favorite son, Brian Sutherland. As you can see, he’s getting ready for his professional debut, this bout coming against some Kenny Rainford dude from Liverpool. Sutherland’s got a rather, um, unorthodox fighting style, one that the world of boxing had never seen before, and may never see again. Video is after the break; ladies, have a fainting couch at the ready, because you will undoubtedly swoon and climax at the same time.

Go ahead, watch it five more times, or even ten. We’ve got all day.

It’s hard to figure out the finest part of the video, because there’s several outstanding candidates. Do you go with the overall physical hilarity of Sutherland? His mullet/stache combo in particular? His slapwuss fighting style? The incredulous Quebecois announcers who can’t keep their composure? The knockout? The other fighter’s reaction to the knockout? The ringside fans who are also laughing?

This, sadly, would be the only fight in Sutherland’s pro career (his bout with Danny Wofford 10 days prior must have been as an amateur); perhaps the physical strain of boxing was too much for this fighting genius before he could fully implement and spread what appears to be the “Cornered Kitten” fighting style.

And maybe someday, someone new will come from Appalachian North Carolina with a rocking Camaro crash helmet and a strong desire to hit someone with the wrong part of a boxing glove. Someone to bring back the art of Sorority-Fu.

But for now, we simply wait. We wait, and pray.