So as you’ve all been made aware of by now, the Green Bay Packers finally pulled the trigger on a deal that sent Hall of Fame-bound quarterback Brett Favre to the New York Jets. Finally, the national nightmare that was the Brett Favre Saga has come to an end, and life in America can resume. At least, you think it is.
You see, now that Brett’s been traded the odds are that the media attention he has received the last weeks is going to decrease. Instead of talking about him for 22 hours a day on ESPN, those at the worldwide leader only plan on talking about him for 18 hours today. This isn’t acceptable for Brett. He wants to be on our minds all day, everyday. The problem for Brett is now that he’s going to be playing in New York City, he has a lot of competition for the limelight. In Green Bay the only thing he had to compete with were a couple of cows and a few thousand people who feel that a wedge of cheese is meant to be worn on the head.
In New York, Brett’s bush league antics won’t fly, and that’s why he’s already begun scheming up new ways to keep every eye on him in the Big Apple. Find out what Brett’s planning to do after the jump.
With so many other famous athletes and celebrities in New York, Brett is going to have to step up his game off the field if he wants to get attention. Obviously, the best way to do this is to start dating another celebrity. This will make sure he’s a constant presence on Page Six, which of course will lead to a Super Bowl victory. That’s why Brett is going to start dating Madonna. The fact that it will infuriate Alex Rodriguez can only make this story even better as a six-month feud between the two will dominate the tabloids in New York before the two finally reach an agreement.
That agreement being to have a three-way, film it, and release the tape on the internet for $19.95.
Of course, dating both Madonna and A-Rod might not be enough, which is why Brett has a backup plan. That camera he used to film the threesome? It’s not just for homemade porn, as Brett will also use it to videotape Jets practices and sell the footage to Bill Belichick and the New England Patriots.
Another way Brett can get some attention is by showing up at Jets camp today and immediately demanding that the organization un-retire Joe Namath’s number 12 so that he can wear it. “That guy was overrated anyway,” Favre will say. Then in Week 3 when the Jets travel to San Diego for a Monday Night Football appearance, he can show up Broadway Joe one more time. While being interviewed by Suzy Kolber before kick-off, Brett will forget about seeking permission from her and just proceed to ram his tongue down her throat on the sidelines.
Will all that be enough, though? Favre isn’t sure, which is why tomorrow morning he’s going to call his new head coach Eric Mangini and demand to be traded to the Minnesota Vikings. After being told by the Jets that it’s just not possible, he can then tell the team he’s retiring again, but change up his mind 20 minutes later and call a press conference.
During that press conference a teary eyed Brett can tell the media that he just missed the game too much and wants to give it one more shot. Unfortunately, the Jets have made it painfully clear that they don’t want him back and he’s already moved on, so he wants his outright release.
It’s the circle of life.