Breaking Non-News: Hockey Players Can’t Rap

Remember Sarah Spain? I don’t think I’m allowed to say what I think of her, but it rhymes with shmashmention shmore. Ms. Spain is over at MOUTHPIECE SPORTS now, and sat down with Blackhawks winger Kris Versteeg. Versteeg leads all rookies in +/- rating, but more importantly, leads the NHL in cringe-inducing raps.

Kris Versteeg Chicago Blackhawks

(Kris Versteeg: Ghetto Fabulous.)

Versteeg has said his dream is go onstage at a Fergie concert. Question his manhood all you like, but don’t question his devotion to The Duchess. Here, without prodding, he honors us with his rendition of Ludacris‘ part from “Glamorous.” Oh, like you aren’t desperate to see the video, after the jump.

OK, he mangles the first line. I’m not sure what “champagne weekisses” are, or how they relate to the actual line of “champagne wishes,” but all in all a pretty faithful rendition. You shouldn’t be surprised; Versteeg comes from the hood that is Lethbridge, the fourth largest city in Alberta.

Versteeg also says he’s a fan of “Big Girls Don’t Cry.” He’s only got 6 penalty minutes so far on the season, but once this video makes the rounds, I have a feeling he may need to learn how to drop the gloves.