Brandon Backe Assaults Cop’s Fist With Own Face

Oh, weddings. Celebrations of life, love, joy, and peace. Wait, what was that last one I wrote? Did I say peace? Because I meant DEATHFIGHTS AND RAGE AND HEY THERE’S THE POLICE LET’S FIGHT THEM.

Pitching Slap Fight Between Coco Crisp and James Shields -- Defaced

And by “I,” of course, I mean Astros pitcher Brandon Backe, whose season stats now include 9 wins, 14 losses, a 6.05 ERA, and one ruined/awesome wedding.

From the ASSOCIATED PRESS:

Astros pitcher Brandon Backe was among 10 people arrested during a brawl with police at a weekend wedding reception in a Galveston hotel bar.
[…]
The 30-year-old Backe, a member of the wedding party, ignored police orders to back away from the fight, and struggled with officers who attempted to handcuff him, according to police reports.

So to recap, Astro Man hates Police Man. They fight, police wins, Police Man. Look, aside from the fact that he was a member of the wedding party and maybe he shouldn’t want to spend that night in jail, there’s another universal truth here: Pitchers suck at fighting. Here’s a list of the last good fighters from the mound: Kyle Farnsworth, Nolan Ryan, and Juan Marichal. That’s it.

Backe has been charged with resisting arrest and interfering with a police officer–namely, using his face to interfere with a cop’s fist. We don’t have any comment from the Astros organization yet other than the ubiquitous “it’s a legal matter,” but we have no doubt there’s one fact they won’t ignore: This, too, is all Bud Selig’s fault.