Brace Yourself: Mike Hampton Is In Pain Yet Again

Mike Hampton made it really awfully close this time to making it all the way through a rehab start. He’s totally trying! Did you see the effort he put into 71 really super tough pitches before feeling more “discomfort” in his owie left pectoral muscle? He’s on the perfect team because he’s so totally super brave about this!


Except, you know, this extends his streak of 32 straight months without throwing a major league pitch while he collects $15 million this year. Also, that 71st pitch was thrown in the fourth inning, which means he couldn’t even beat Triple-A hitters when he was able to throw. Other than that, though, kudos!

If Bobby Cox truly thought Hampton would be ready for a May 10th start and wasn’t just being polite, we recommend field testing for other signs of dementia. Just let him work quietly in the minors the rest of the season. He can be gritty and gutty and give 110% and whatever else he does in obscurity.

Mike Hampton and Iron Man

(What do Mike Hampton and Iron Man have in common? No, really… we don’t know, either)

Or, if that’s not an honorable action for the front office, waive him so he can join Matt Morris and Barry Zito as a crime-fighting private detective firm. He could be the enforcer of the group since he’s the only one out of the trio that knows how to swing a bat.

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