Man, we always hated those cool athlete kids in grade school that starred in all the sports. They were the big hitters and the quarterbacks and the soccer stars (usually overlapping) and they got all the attention and everyone thought they were so cool. They totally weren’t. That’s why we totally don’t like this Adam Bender kid from the Lexington, KY, area.
He’s got all the skills and he’s got all the starting spots and he throws all the touchdowns and he has one leg because he lost the other to cancer when he was a toddler and… wait, what?
As we remove our tongue firmly from cheek, we must point out that we were quite serious. Adam Bender (who needs a badass nickname; we’re taking suggestions) never took to his prosthetic and hates the wheelchair, so he plays catcher and hops to first on hits. (He uses crutches to flash around the other bases.) Dude knows how to take a collision at the plate. Don’t mess with him.
Also, he does play quarterback in flag football (from the shotgun) and plays soccer (though the method is unclear; we assume goalkeeper). His parents couldn’t keep him bundled safely away if they wanted to, so they let him go. As parenting decisions go, it’s been a winner thus far.
We just hope his “isolated, unsocial and introspective” personality don’t keep him from attending the Olympics someday. Thanks for your help, Beijing!