The Boston Red Sox and Chicago Cubs will each send seven men (theoretically) to defend the honor of their respective leagues in the 2008 MLB All-Star Game, including two-thirds of the starting NL outfield and the right side of the AL infield. (”Theoretically” means David Ortiz’s limp wrist is listed but shall not participate. Alfonso Soriano may be iffy as well.)

Speaking of iffy, it’s not Griffey. Ken Griffey, Jr., did not make the team by fan vote, barely being nudged out by Ryan Braun by muscular Milwaukee voters. We assume Cincinnati showed more patriotism by leaving for a longer holiday before voting closed.

We now await the Final Vote voting (MLBAM motto: everything can have a poll attached to it to artificially raise page views) and then the replacement of a third of both rosters to injuries both mysterious and serious that will leave us with Kevin Cash on the roster. We don’t know how, but we’re not betting money against the possibility.

MLB front office personnel are feverishly working on a way of replacing the league squads with Red Sox vs. Cubs and declare a midpoint champion in a seven-game series that will take three weeks to complete and require 1207 mentions of Fox’s new fall lineup (”flash frozen before the writer’s strike to preserve flavor!”).

Also, for those of you that get excited about a player when you see “All-Star” next to their name: Cristian Guzman is an All-Star. Shut down the Nationals; there’s no point in finishing the season.

Finally, we’re sure this will be fixed in a few minutes at MLB.COM, but for now: poor Pirates fans.