Bambi Murderer Bonds Finally Lands Endorsement

As if you didn’t have enough reasons for hating Barry Bonds: now he’s gone and killed Bambi’s mom. The SAN FRANCISCO CHRONICLE reports that the disgraced home run king has become a celebrity endorser for Christensen Arms, a maker of high-powered hunting rifles. And a video on their Web site shows him in Canada, shooting and killing a “monster whitetail.”

Barry Bonds and his big game

(Forget Nike, Vitaminwater & Under Armour. How ’bout a bullet to the head?)

Because there’s no way to show your respect for something pure and beautiful like methodically destroying it, all while having a big, self-satisfied grin on your face. But enough about how Bonds totally ruined any last fabric of purity left in baseball, we’re here to talk about him shootin’ something.

Along with the video on the Web site, Bonds also gives a written endorsement for the guns, marveling at how “one blast is all it took” for him to bag some big game. Meanwhile, it took 756 “blasts” for him to make a mockery of the home run record, so I guess there must be something to Christensen Arms. Still, I think we can all agree there is something joyous in the thought of Bonds covered in deer urine.

Based on his apparent prowess and love of hunting, I’m finding it a little shocking that he and former Giants teammate Jeff Kent couldn’t find some common ground. Although I’m a little skeptical that this isn’t part of some bizarre quest to rebuild his public image in the mold of all-time great slugger and noted surly jerk Ted Williams, who also an avid outdoorsman.

Of course, if this leads to a custody battle for Barry Bonds’ frozen head in 50 years, I’m all for it.