Bobby Bowden Makes His Prostate Your Business

In case you haven’t watched a single sporting event on television in the last 10 years, you might not know this, but urinary health is a big issue among men over 50 and ad executives. Apparently, you probably don’t have a going problem, but a growing problem. You… well, I’ll just let you watch the commercials, don’t want to spoil the surprise.

Bobby Bowden prostate
(”And so I get an MRI, and I kid you not, dadgummit, my prostate’s the size of a cantaloupe, just bulbous, just… you’re not grossed out by this, are you son?”)

Ah, but if you haven’t watched a sporting event on television, odds are pretty good that you’re also a college football coach, that small sect of America who work 90-hour weeks and just don’t have time for the distraction of ESPN. Oh, but if you’re very old - like Bobby Bowden -  we have a perfect storm of prostate disaster. Here, we’ll let Bowden explain.

Via Mike Bianchi of the ORLANDO SENTINEL:

When I asked if he is able to sleep soundly, he replied, “I sleep much better now, but probably up until three weeks ago I’d go to bed and wake up and then watch television and try to fall back asleep. But now, I can. …”

That’s when Bobby interrupted himself and hilariously told the media gathering about his prostate issues.

“But now I can — let me say this,” he continued with a smile, ”if not for the prostate, I could sleep all night. But there’s this little voice (that wakes him up numerous times during the night) that says, ‘Bobby, it’s time.’ “

He laughed.

Ha, ha, ha! Urination!

Then some guy from the ASSOCIATED PRESS “cracked a joke,” if we’re even legally allowed to call it a joke. Seriously, we’re not sure:

As the room laughed with him and some of the older reporters nodded knowingly, a writer from the Associated Press cracked, “Well, I’m not going to ask you how many trips (to the bathroom) each night.”

Oh, um, thank you? Thank you on behalf of everybody with a working digestive system who might want to be able to eat later today? Or was that a joke? But you’re not going to ask so it isn’t a joke? I don’t get it.

We would crack wise about Bowden for the next 20 minutes, but the discussion of Bowden’s sleep habits came as he was talking about a rather painful case of shingles - no seriously, shingles - that he had contracted over the summer, something that made it impossible for him to sleep if the left side of his face so much as touched a blanket. Yeah.

So he gets a pass on this one. Next time he trots out a 4-star quarterback who can’t help but throw it right at defenders or the back of his center’s helmet, though, we bring the guns back out.