Yes, we realize that the above headline makes absolutely no sense. Or at least it shouldn’t make any sense. The sad part is that it’s absolutely the truth: Billy Packer did, in fact, hire a psychic to find the murder weapons O.J. Simpson used to kill Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman, audio which then made its way to AWFUL ANNOUNCING and HUGGING HAROLD REYNOLDS. Luckily, we now have it too, with typically clever illustration put together by HUGGING HAROLD after the jump.
(We always thought he looked a little like a fat, drunk owl.)
According to Packer (who, incidentally, still doesn’t own a computer), he hired a psychic the family had previously worked with to find the murder weapons in the O.J. case because the psychic — a man named John Monte — called Packer and said he knew where the weapons were.
Why Packer went Shirley Maclaine on a case that had nothing to do with his family is anyone’s guess. Regardless, after Monte was flown out to L.A. on Packer’s dime, he did uncover the knives which O.J. allegedly used and brought them to the L.A.P.D. which, quite understandably, didn’t want anything to do with the knives or Monte.
Can you blame the L.A.P.D.? Why would it trust a random guy who was surreptitiously searching the Simpson estates for murder clues during an ongoing murder investigation by its own department? And who knows if they were actually the murder knives? Maybe Monte just smuggled them out to California, smeared them with ketchup (catsup?), let them rust and pulled them out when no one was looking. That’s what you’re risking with psychics.
Here’s the near-transcript of what Packer told the podcast about the “great experience”:
He found the weapons. And we uh…he claimed he found them. And so uh, we basically went to the LA Police Department, said John knows where the weapons are, and at that point this is about a week after the murders. And so, at that point the Police Department said, we can’t take the chance that if he starts digging stuff up, that the press heard about this we’d be in serious trouble. So we had to put it on hold. But it was a great experience.
It’s also worth noting that Packer sent his sons out to L.A. with Monte, using them to pose as Simpson’s neighbors. The whole story straight out bat crazy.
It also proves what we’re missing by not having Packer call games in the forthcoming NCAA Tournament. Sure, we would have had to listen to a lot of farcical, mad cow-induced basketball analysis, but we might have lucked into a few more anectdotes from CSI Billy Packer. Heck, now that he’s been outed as a fan of psychics, Packer even could have asked Nancy Reagan for her Final Four picks! Now that would have been entertaining.