Again?! Benny The Bull Blows Apart Fan’s Arm

Benny the Bull, the furball malcontent who works as the mascot for the Chicago Bulls, has struck again. Not content with attacking police, shooting Kevin Garnett in the back, and getting into fights on “Jerry Springer, Benny has started (allegedly) assaulting fans with high-fives.

Benny the Bull

(Bad to the #*&$%!$#*%ing bone)

Dr. Don Kalant Sr., a dentist in the western suburbs of Chicago, became entranced by the charismatic Mr. Bull as Benny whipped the crowd in the very expensive seats into a frenzy. Thus lulled, Benny lured Kalant into putting his arm up for a high-five.

And that’s when the animal snapped.

Instead of a simple touching of palms, the miscreant mammal “either inadvertently trips or, as part of the shtick, trips. . . . He grabbed Kalant’s arm and fell forward,” according to the oral surgeon’s lawyer. The damaged arm required surgery to repair torn biceps and a hyperextended arm. Needless to say, a lawsuit has been filed.

Jerry Reinsdorf must put down this dangerous beast soon or else face the consequences when the Bulls, finally close to a playoff spot again, call for a “redout” and hand out 15,000 red T-shirts to their fans entering the United Center. Benny, seeing the sea of red surrounding him, may unbridle his rage and charge into the crowd.

The gutters will fill with the blood of accountants, dentists, and financial consultants from the Loop. Oh, the well-heeled humanity… when will you stop this madness, Reinsdorf? When will it stop?