When you read “Cincinnati Bengals” and “jail” in the first sentence of a story, you start trying to construct the story in your head, like some sort of awful Mad Lib: “NAME OF PLAYER of the Cincinnati Bengals was arrested DAY and charged with CRIMINAL ACTIVITY, BAD CRIMINAL ACTIVITY and HORRIFIC CRIMINAL ACTIVITY after a SINGLE-DIGIT NUMBER crime spree that left SINGLE-DIGIT NUMBER injured.”
So imagine my surprise at reading further into this AP story and finding out that no Bengals have been arrested (yet: we’ll update you during the day). Instead, it turns out that a jail in Covington, Kentucky has decided to make their prisoners start wearing pink jumpsuits, and it’s all the Bengals’ fault. Or more specifically, their fans and their color scheme.
Covington is only 10 miles from Paul Brown Stadium, and Kenton County chief deputy jailer Col. Scott Colvin told the KENTUCKY ENQUIRER that he was concerned that an inmate could escape during game day and blend in with the orange-clad crowd. Personally, I would be more worried that in their prison jumpsuits, people would mistake them for Bengals players and bug them for autographs, but not Colvin:
“I thought, ‘Man, if someone got away from here, they’d score a hot dog and get away,’” Colvin said.
Knowing the price of concessions at NFL games, I doubt that any newly-escaped convicts would have the money to afford a hot dog bun, let alone the whole thing - that’s a lot of hours at the prison laundry. But if they did escape, just look for the person enjoying their hot dog - only convicts used to prison slop could consider a stadium hot dog a “treat”.
This isn’t the first time a jail has been influenced by a local sport’s team’s orange color scheme when choosing their inmate uniforms. No word on if the inmats will be wearing pink underwear as well, or if that’s an honor reserved for Charles Barkley or (allegedly) Brian Urlacher’s kid. But if I were Chris Henry, I’d start stocking up on pink accessories just in case.