Beating Michigan Is Bad For Your Testicular Health

In case you missed it, Saturday marked the official end of the “Michigan’s already back” storyline for 2009. How else to interpret a 38-13 loss to an Illinois team that hadn’t beaten a I-A team all season long?

Michigan's Jon Ortmann Nut-Punches Illinois' Corey Liuget
(Yeesh.)

Michigan actually led 13-7 and had first-and-goal on Illinois’ 1-yard line in the second half. They failed to capitalize, gave up three touchdowns in the third quarter, then had a chance to bring the game back to a one-score contest early in the fourth. Unfortunately, Tate Forcier fumbled on a sack, Illinois defensive end Corey Liuget recovered, and that is very bad news for you, Mr. Liuget; you’ve made Michigan left tackle Mark Ortmann angry, and Ortmann punches manballs when he’s angry. Video after the break.

(Groin punch at around 14 seconds in)

If there’s anything that may save Ortmann’s hide from Big Ten-mandated suspension next week, it’s that the video isn’t completely conclusive; like, it cuts out right at the point of attack, and we don’t actually see fist-on-crotch contact. Pause. Nonetheless, if Ortmann wasn’t forcefully cup-checking Liuget, he was certainly trying to swat a mosquito on his inner thigh or something; that’s a wind-up and quick strike to the area, and Liuget was hobbled afterward.

Even so, what’s worse is that the nut-punch may not have been the most flagrant foul missed on the play. Watch the video again; specifically, watch the first slo-mo replay. Yes, that’s Michigan guard Mark Huyge with the belly-to-belly suplex on Illinois’ Sirod Williams. If that’s not holding, then there’s no such thing as holding. Perhaps the official saw the ball come out before he could throw a flag and figured there’s no sense in calling a foul that’s doubtlessly getting declined, but still - wow.

Wonder if Rich Rodriguez will actually believe this sucker punch may have happened? His track record’s not great, after all.

(Terrorist fist jab: DR. SATURDAY)