Be A Jobless Hero at the Unemployment Olympics

What is the average New Yorker to do if they find themselves as one of the many Americans who have lost their job as part of the current economic downturn? You can only sleep in with the covers pulled over your head until noon or 1 p.m. at the latest, and there are only so many Starbucks in the city to mill around at during the day.

Unemployment Olympics

Fortunately, there was an event today to give unemployed New Yorkers a break from staring blankly at job listings on and looking at online porn. The ASSOCIATED PRESS triumphantly reports on the first-ever Unemployment Olympics, where scores of jobless men and women competed at a New York city park in events such as “Pin The Blame On The Boss” and “Office Phone Skeeball.”

According to NEWSDAY, the event was the brainchild of Nick Goddard, a recently laid-off computer programmer who said he is hoping the day “will lift everyone’s spirits a little. Originally, my thought was just to make people laugh.” Contestants weren’t playing for medals, but local sponsors had come through with prizes such as a $50 bar tab and a $40 restaurant gift certificate.

While events like Bashing a Pinata are nice, they are hardly in the spirit of actual Olympic events. With that in mind, I’ve come up with a few suggestions for new events to add if the Unemployment Olympics come back in 2010:

  • The 100-Meter Dashed Career Expectations
  • The Long Jump From Being A Senior Vice President To Working At Kinko’s
  • Synchronized Drowning In A Sea Of Unpaid Bills
  • Bad-News-Minton
  • The 110-Meter First Interview Hurdle
  • Waiting Tables Tennis
  • The Try-Supporting-A-Family-On-Unemployment-Athlon