Going to a frat party at Auburn University and shouting “Roll Tide!“? Dumb. Using that as an excuse to stab several people? Idiotic. But then bribing a mentally challenged man to take the fall for you? That’s taking being a sleaze to a whole new level.

THE PRESS-REGISTER (by way of THE SPORTING BLOG) reports that Joey Barrett Jr., 25, “admitted Wednesday to bribing a retarded man to claim responsibility for injuries suffered” by members of the Phi Kappa Tau fraternity house during a brawl before the 2005 Iron Bowl Game. All of which makes him just about the worst person in the history of ever. The only thing worse would have been for him to stab the retarded guy and then bribe frat kids to take the fall.

Barrett, a semi-pro MMA fighter, apparently offered Louie Holtz a car in exchange for Holtz “confessing” to having been the person who did all the stabbing. I can’t stress enough that this isn’t the same “Louie” Holtz who is on ESPN College Gameday - although his slobbering, threats to “cut people”, and love of magic might make you think otherwise, that Holtz is not retarded.

It might have worked, except that Holtz had previously been declared mentally retarded, so the court ordered him to retain counsel. And the fact that none of the fraternity members could recall seeing Holtz there and (presumably) they would remember getting shivved by him. Holtz’s lawyers started poking around, and the whole story collapsed faster than a house of cards stacked on Jello.

It looks like Barrett’s going to have a lot of time to practice his MMA skills while serving up to 18 months in prison. Some of the skills he’ll brush up on: “side mount,” “rear-naked choke” and”getting raped by men,” although I think the last one might be illegal in UFC.