Sign #1 your relationship might not be guaranteed eternal wedded bliss: You’re a professional athlete and she’s a cheerleader. Sign #2: She files a paternity suit, and you demand a DNA test before you’ll pay any child support. And sign #3: You’re accused of pulling out her hair, and slamming her head against a marble floor.

That’s the charge brought against Larry Fitzgerald by the mother of his child, former Raiderette Angela Nazario. Nazario claims she brought their 11-month-old son to Fitzgerald’s Phoenix home for a visit, they started arguing. Let’s see how the plaintiff describes how a multimillionaire athlete calmly and maturely handles a disagreement, after the jump.

Via TMZ, Nazario admits she swung at him first in a play fight, and “may have hit his face.”

Fitzgerald then turned from playful to enraged, allegedly pushing Nazario down to her knees. She claims he “grabbed me by my hair with both hands on the back of my head very very hard and tossed me across the room.”

Later, when she tried to leave with her son, Nazario says Fitzgerald “grabbed the back of my neck and slammed me down on the marble floor … [I] was disoriented for awhile and could not get up, I remember he mumbled something about ‘that’s what happens when you try taking my son away from me.’” As she got in the car to leave she realized she had lost “chunks” of hair.

This sounds pretty serious, but Fitzgerald did allegedly suggest she get an abortion. Maybe he’s unclear on how human pregnancies work, and is trying to take care of it himself.

Whatever. It’s not like it’s this distraction that’ll cause the Cardinals to lose Saturday.

For the curious, some photos of Nazario from her cheerleading days: