Baby Jesus Isn’t Impressed With Brady, Football

New England Patriots quarterback and Coldplay groupie Tom Brady makes a startling admission in a recent ESQUIRE magazine interview: God doesn’t value him as a quarterback.

Tom Brady Esquire cover

Shocking, I know, but Brady, who apparently split his offseason between vacationing with girlfriend Gisele Bundchen and reading non-football-related books to take his mind off the team’s demoralizing Super Bowl loss, had an epiphany after getting his hands on Don Miguel Ruiz’s “The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom.”


“How can I be more honest, accept things that don’t go as planned?” Brady said in a cover story for the September issue. “When you try to combat everything, at the end of the day you realize that you’re responsible for yourself.” …

Look at the attention I get: It’s because I throw a football. But that’s what society values. That’s not what God values,” Brady said. “He didn’t invent the game. We did. I have some eye-hand coordination, and I can throw the ball. I don’t think that matters to God.”

It didn’t matter to the New York Giants, either.

For those of you who haven’t read it (savages!), “The Four Agreements” is all about integrity, which, frankly, is ironically hilarious considering that Bill Belichick is Brady’s boss.

From the AMAZON.COM editorial review, the four agreements include: “Be impeccable with your word. Don’t take anything personally. Don’t make assumptions. Always do your best.”

So it sounds like Belichick read the book, too, he just skipped over the first agreement.