China’s New Basketball Role Model is Ron Artest?

When David Aldridge suggested a few days ago that Yao Ming feels like the Tracy McGrady Traveling Convalescence Show has an open-ended engagement that will sink his chance at an NBA title, he didn’t mention who might replace Tracy in Yao’s five.  (There’s plenty of room since Chuck got removed at the network level, of […]

Read more...

Michael Jordan Shills Steaks, Gives 1/2 Off to Kerr

Do you want to get at the premium meat of the best basketball player of all time? Do you think it will never happen because you’re not a comely co-ed visiting a casino or a vacation island? Fear not; the MJ Marketing Machine provides for all segments of the population.  PEREZ HILTON reports you can […]

Read more...

Tebow Returns, Forestalls World’s End One Year

Moreover, brothers and sisters, we declare to you the gospel which we preached to you by which also you are saved from life without Tim Tebow in Florida, if you keep in memory what we preached to you, unless you have believed in vain that He shall return for his senior season.

For we delivered to […]

Read more...

ESPN Reminds Us It Will Outlast President Obama

Remember how Barack Obama promised he would use some of the resources and goodwill of the Office of the President to work towards a college football playoff system?  Remember how he reiterated it on “60 Minutes”? Remember how those that make their money at the teat of the college bowl system giggled like snide schoolgirls […]

Read more...

Colorado Buffaloes Herded Into Discipline Teams

University of Colorado head coach Dan Hawkins certainly knew “den mother” fell on his list of responsibilities, but he hoped “warden” didn’t. Unfortunately, 13 players found their way into the legal system in and around Boulder since fall of 2007, not to mention academic ineligibility and other tomfoolery.

Therefore, Hawkins has declared an end to the […]

Read more...

NBA Won’t Punish Ref Calling Vince Carter “Boy”

Vince Carter doesn’t mind terribly anymore if you call him soft, cursed with a low pain tolerance, focused on self, unmotivated by basketball, or that he will play at less than his maximum effort in order to leave Canada.  He either accepts them as canards he can’t avoid or as true.  However, he would like […]

Read more...

Barkley’s Arresting Cop Has to Keep a Low Profile

In case you doubted for a moment that Charles Barkley still captures the American imagination, even the officer that brought Barkley in on suspicion of DUI has been forced to keep a low profile to avoid “the most media attention” Gilbert police have ever had.  Considering this is the department that chased down Tank Johnson, […]

Read more...

Olympians to Receive Bag of Plants for Winning?

Let’s say you’re an Olympic athlete.  (Note: this theoretical exercise also grants you permission to tell the object of your passions at the bar tonight that you are indeed an Olympic athlete.)  You’ve flown hundreds of thousands of miles over the last four years to train and participate in warm-up events and qualifying tournaments. You […]

Read more...

RichRod Bravely Leads Michigan to Record Loss

Hand it to Rich Rodriguez, one of our particular favorites; the man knows how to turn heads and set records.  Today, he showed Michigan football a place it has never been before: eight losses in a season.  The 21-14 defeat to bowl-bound Northwestern in a “half-deserted” Michigan Stadium sealed RichRod in the Michigan history books […]

Read more...

Cubs Can’t Find Buyer, Still Can’t Alight on Cuban

Look forward to hearing this excuse for the next six months from all your favorite teams and leagues: “Gosh, we’d love to <do something good for the team or sport>, but the credit crisis has prevented us from <spending any money that doesn’t come from taxpayers>.”
That’s the current excuse why a big player contract would […]

Read more...