Gary Carter Could Use Mr. Met Hug After Shunning

Gary Carter, Expo Hall-of-Famer and world champion Metropolitan, misses the Mets organization so much that he can’t stop asking for a job there, usually while someone else holds the position.  He also can’t stop quacking on the topic of the day, which is why he’s the manager of the Long Island Ducks of the Atlantic […]

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Westhead Hired to Make the Oregon Women Run

Jerry Tarkanian has dibs on “The Shark” (and all your linens), but he hasn’t really used the nickname in nearly a decade. Therefore, we propose Paul Westhead take up the moniker as he also takes up the reins as head coach of the Oregon Ducks’ women’s basketball program. Westhead has two options: run or die. […]

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Football Player Touts Future ‘Sex On Paper’ Book

Colorado Buffaloes CB Ben Burney gets college. No, no… obviously, the fifth-year senior gets college. He’s been faithfully attending classes and receiving lodging and all the other accouterments of higher education.
No, he really gets the point of college. While you’re there, play a sport, write a 500-page book, make a feature-length film, and get a […]

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Female Tennis Pro Questioned on “Female” Part

Sarah Gronert would like to play tennis professionally, perhaps make a little money on the WTA Tour. In fact, she’s played nine tournaments in the last three years and won twice. The young German would seem to have the ability to stick.

Unfortunately, she’s only played in those nine tournaments because she’s been surrounded by the […]

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Lasorda Unusually Engorged About US WBC Team

We know Major League Baseball wants us to get excited about the World Baseball Classic, especially since there may be no major leaguers left to play in the tourney if they all keep dropping out.  However, we’re pretty sure Bud Selig sent out his PR strike team to tranquilize and drag off Tommy Lasorda at […]

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Baltimore or Disney: Your Free Birthday Vacation?

While the New York Yankees have shown how to artificially prop up the value of their product, two famous franchises have shown how to turn their product into a party favor. For example, the Baltimore Orioles are giving away a free ticket to anyone that asks for their birthday month (as long as the Red […]

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Heisman Homeless As Sports Museum Shuttered

The Heisman Trophy has become an itinerant worker the last few years. After 9/11, the Downtown Athletic Club sent its baby ’round to various venues for the ceremony.
Eventually, the DAC settled on a deal with the brand-new Sports Museum of America in Lower Manhattan last year to give it a proper home and a job […]

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Hazing NBA Rookies Still Approved, Still Hilarious

NBA players’ infallible ability to find the closest Cheesecake Factory in any city has been well-documented.  However, it would appear no NBA player could make it all the way to that carb-loaded dinner without the second-most important meal of the day: bagels delivered by a rookie.
All over the league (even in areas not exactly noted […]

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Duke’s Paulus Doesn’t Fear Your Poster Materials

We know Craig Ehlo.  Craig Ehlo is a friend of ours, if by which you mean that he spent a lot of time in our room growing up, both of us looking up at Michael Jordan.  Greg Paulus, you are no Craig Ehlo.  Damned if you’re not trying to convince us, though.

(A full honor-bestowing bow […]

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Top Football Recruit Considering CFL Over NCAA?

Wichita’s own Bryce Brown, the top-rated high school running back prospect in the country, has not signed with a program officially yet.  His advisor/manager, Brian Butler, is doing everything he can to finagle the best deal and that requires multiple suitors.
Therefore, Butler has tossed in every possible destination he can think of, even if it […]

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