Tim McCarver Does Not Pass Go, Loses $1 Million

If you saw the recent Casino Royale - so much better than Quantum of Solace - this story will sound eerily familiar: A broker (possibly with an eye that cries blood) takes his client’s money and invests it in a few high-risk ventures, despite his client urging him to “keep it conservative”. The risks don’t […]

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Ex-Teacher Shows HS Footballer Spread Offense

As everyone knows, playing high school football isn’t about love of the game, the glory of scoring a touchdown (even 3 in one game!), or the possibility of landing a lucrative multi-million dollar contract in the future. It’s about one thing, and one thing only: Getting the ladies. And for one lucky(?) 18-year-old in Azle, […]

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Texas Tech Not The Cinderella Story You Thought

Remember the 2004 baseball playoffs, when everyone was suddenly getting on the Boston Red Sox bandwagon because they were such a great story, composed of a bunch of scrappy, rambunctious, gritty players? And do you remember how everyone conveniently forgot the fact that the Red Sox had the 2nd highest payroll in baseball,  taking away […]

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Hoops Star Accused Of Using ‘Closed Fist’ On Girl

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times for Syracuse star Eric Devendorf yesterday. On the bright side, he pounded the visiting Richmond Spiders into submission with a robust 22 points. On the not-so-bright side, Devendorf was notified he’s being investigated by local police for allegedly pounding a woman into submission […]

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Brown Out: Texas Has Its Next Football Coach

The wait is over. The University of Texas brain trust has spent the last few months in a secret underground bunker, furiously debating who will be the next head coach of their esteemed college program. And now, as you can see by the white smoke hovering above the campus, the Longhorn Conclave has finally given […]

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Buick Takes Courtesy Cars Away From PGA Tour

Oh, hilarious economy! When will you ever stop plummeting and making us cut back on everything that makes life worth living? First, Colorado-based Focus On The Family has had to trim their staff drastically - rumor has it that they hilariously “overspent” on their pro-Proposition 8 stance - but this latest news to hit the […]

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Japanese Schoolgirl Signed By Pro Baseball Team

That weird smell hovering in the Los Angeles air for the past few days? Turns out it wasn’t the smoldering remnants from blocks of burnt down houses. It didn’t even come from America, actually. The stench came from Japan, and it was the smell of fear. You see folks, a whole lot of male Japanese […]

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Oxford Rugby Parties Like It’s Germany, 1944!

Apparently, the new sports fad making the rounds lately is people just being completely racist! Thanks to our friends across the pond, we now have a new story to put up alongside such recent hits as the infamous Spain basketball team photo, the Justin Timberlake joke that never was, and today’s story about ESPN’s canceled […]

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ESPN Axes Ad Campaign For Obvious Reasons

One of the reasons The Worldwide Leader has grown to the level it has is because it quickly quashes anything that has a hint of controversy associated with it. So it’s kind of a shocker that ad agency Anomaly nearly got their campaign for ESPN’s college basketball programming starring “crude stereotypes of students at specific […]

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After MMA Collapse, Kimbo Slice Turns To Boxing

When a celebrity’s 15 minutes of fame are finally up, for some reason they always turn their attention towards the boxing ring, where they stand in front of hundreds and pummel another “celebrity” all for some “charity”, which in most cases is their own bank account. Danny Bonaduce and Jose Canseco do so on a […]

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