NFL Unimpressed with God, Supporters

The NFL has given the Heisman to the Lord on High, which is a shame considering all the gamblers counting on Him to restore their livelihoods on Sunday.

Several Indiana churches planned to host Super Bowl viewing parties for their congregations with projection TV’s, but the screens exceeded the 55 inches allowed by the NFL, making […]

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Biletnikoff Retires from Raiders Staff

A fixture with the Silver & Black for 32 years, legendary Hall of Fame receiver Fred Biletnikoff has retired from his position as wide receivers coach.
His departure leaves the Raiders staff wholly lacking in offensive knowledge but fans shouldn’t be too concerned.
With Jerry Porter still locked in the doghouse, look for Biletnikoff to shake […]

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BALCO Baby In Talks with Giants

After their son was developed in a BALCO lab, the parents of Antonio “Super Tonio” Vasconcelos returned to Mexico for his birth.

The 14.5-pound, 22-inch newborn is expected to stay in the hospital for observation for a few more days and will then begin contract negotiations with the San Francisco Giants.

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Floyd Mayweather Sr Wins Douchebag of the Week Award

$500,000 isn’t enough to buy Floyd Mayweather Sr’s loyalty to his son, Floyd Mayweather Jr, so don’t insult his integrity by asking.
Senior, the erstwhile trainer of Oscar de la Hoya, was offered $500,000 to work the corner against his estranged son in May. An additional $500K was on the table if de la […]

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Sarah Spain Returns to eBay with a New Strategy

The hottest attention whore in a Bears jersey since Paris Hilton is back on eBay with a new Super Bowl deal.
Sarah Spain, a “cute, funny, Ivy-League grad,” is now offering two Bears cheerleading pom poms to the highest bidder with a Super Bowl ticket. Naturally, getting her is apart of the deal.

“You […]

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Mrs Kiffin and the Kiddies Will Be in the Black Hole

There are times of crisis when a man might feel that it best to wipe out his family to spare them the pain, misery, and humiliation that life has to offer. And it appears that new Raiders Coach Lane Kiffin might be of that mindset at the moment.
The Hater Nation reports that during the Raiders […]

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Boston to Finalize Deal with JD Drew

The Red Sox have finalized a five-year, $70 million deal with right fielder JD Drew, who, amazingly, has played 140+ games only twice in his injury-riddled career.
Though many rumors flew about the deal’s status when Drew wasn’t signed for over a month (including a crazy scenario where Bonds went to Beantown), both sides insisted […]

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February 4 Will Be a Blue Sunday for the Bears

Assured that February 4 will be a very “Blue Sunday” for the Chicago Bears, an Indianapolis company is sending the Colts to Miami with a song.
Replete with a Real Men of Genius-esque lead and soulful background vocals, “Blue Sunday” asks
if we saw what Peyton did “to the Brady Bunch” before insisting that “Belichick never […]

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More Men Plan for Super Bowl Sunday than Valentine\’s Day

COORS SURVEY REVEALS THE OBVIOUS: Of the millions of men currently making plans for the Super Bow, 44% will put more effort into that special Sunday than Valentine’s Day.
I’m astonished the number isn’t higher.
As a woman, I can’t presume to know what you boys are going through. But I have to imagine that a […]

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Norv Turner Caught in Jerry Jones Coaching Search Web

Having established Troy Aikman’s former back-up as the offensive coordinator, Jerry Jones is looking to bring in more ties to the Cowboys championship past by interviewing Norv Turner for the head coaching position.
Should Turner be hired to replace Bill Parcells, Jones is expected to contact Gollum Al Davis in order to retrieve Turner’s manhood, which […]

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