‘Atomic Sit-Up Case’ Finally Gets Its Day In Court

There’s nothing in the football hazing manual more insidious than the atomic sit-up, that most evil of teammate pranks and proof positive that nothing in a high school locker room involving a towel ever comes to any good. Unfortunately our story here does not involve a girl, as the photo indicates. But if you’d seen the alternative photo choices, you’d thank me.

A former Stevenson High School (Chicago suburbs) football player is bringing a lawsuit against former teammates 10 years after a hazing ritual that he said caused psychological and emotional damage. Stamatios Shinas claims while he participated in a football conditioning camp for varsity players for the 1999-2000 season, he was administered the dreaded atomic sit-up, in which a person places his buttocks over a blindfolded person’s face, who then sits up into it. Lawsuit play-by-play, and instructional video, below.

Apparently the statute of limitations for atomic sit-up crimes in Illinois is very flexible. Of course, there was an unpeeled banana involved, which any law school student can tell you makes all the difference.

Unbeknownst to Shinas, Blake Cooley, who is named as a defendant in the case, allegedly dropped his pants and straddled Shinas, and as Shinas performed his first sit-up, the blindfold was released and Shinas did a sit-up into Cooley’s buttocks. According to the lawsuit, Cooley then placed part of his body inside Shinas’ mouth.

In a second incident, Shinas was told he would get the chance to perform an “atomic sit-up” on another team member who participated in the earlier initiation process.

While Shinas dropped his pants and straddled his team member, the other players shoved an unpeeled banana and broomstick into Shinas’ body, the lawsuit states.

In a third incident, Stamatios was in the varsity football locker room when other players shoved his face into another player’s buttocks. His face was then slammed into a toilet while players flushed the toilet.

Shinas claims the initiation process caused him psychological and emotional injuries, and he now requires therapy.

Following may be somewhat NSFW, possibly.

Sure, it’s all fun and games until the broomstick comes out. Then we’ve got a more serious thing. The hazing incident actually got a lot of media attention when it happened, two players were charged with battery, one was expelled from the team and the school changed its football supervision policy.