Athletes, Cab Drivers Enter Into Full-Fledged War

When news broke of Patrick Kane punching out that cabbie in Buffalo last weekend, we thought it was just an isolated incident, one young pup too chemically invested in the night to know enough right from wrong to refrain from raining fists down on an unsuspecting cab driver.

Aqib Talib

(Enraged by the color yellow?)

How wrong we were. Comes now that in sunny Tampa, where nothing ever goes wrong, the next salvo has been fired, and we can look at this as less of a feud and more of a burgeoning conflict, one that threatens to envelop our nation in perpetual conflict and violence. Goodbye, Crips and Bloods - hello, Cabs and Ballers.

Overstating things? Oh, perhaps. We hope it’s overstatement, anyway*. But there’s no other way to look at the latest arrest of Bucs CB Aqib Talib than “rapidly approaching hell”:

Tampa Bay Buccaneers cornerback Aqib Talib is accused of resisting arrest without violence and simple battery after police say he punched a cab driver in the neck and ear while riding from a St. Petersburg club to a Tampa hotel. Aqib Talib, 23, posted $300 bail Thursday morning and was released from the Pinellas County jail after he was arrested by the Florida Highway Patrol. Both charges are misdemeanors. An FHP report said Talib hit taxi driver David Duggan in the right ear and neck with a closed fist. The incident happened at Gandy Boulevard and Interstate 275 at 11:10 p.m. “It was like someone hit me upside the head with a hammer,” said Duggan, 47, of St. Petersburg, who had been driving with Independent Cab for only three days.

Three days and he’s already getting the bejeezus beaten out of him. We’d act surprised, but then it’d be harder to buttress our false sanctimony with any authority we knew better.

Interestingly, this is hardly the first red flag on Talib’s record; hell, he’s starting to resemble Tienanmen Square at this point. He tested positive for marijuana three times at Kansas and got into a fight at last season’s rookie symposium (Aqib, you’re doing it wrong).

Now that he’s fighting the athletes’ holy war against taxi drivers, though, all bets are off. But we’ve watched enough movies - namely Taxi Driver and The Last Boy Scout - to have seen the endgame of this war, by the way. It is not pretty.

Last Boy Scout / Taxi Driver

*But you never know!!!!1