Have you ever heard of Thomas Davis? Probably not, but he’s a linebacker for the Carolina Panthers, via Georgia. We up to speed? Good. Speaking of speed, Thomas Davis has one of the most recognizable cars in Charlotte, a super-personalized purple 1975 Caprice Classic. You’ll see part of it in the picture below.

(Here I am! Wait… where am I?)

Well, hold the phone; Davis had one of the most recognizable cars in Charlotte, up until this weekend, according to authorities. Repo’ed? Totaled in a crash? No no, just a prop in a cunning plan not thought all the way through.

Via the CHARLOTTE OBSERVER, today’s real crime of genius:

It shouldn’t be too difficult to spot the car stolen from Carolina Panthers lineback [sic] Thomas Davis last Saturday morning.

If nothing else, the steering wheel — which includes a football and a photo of Davis — would be a giveaway.

Davis reported to police that his 1975 Chevrolet Caprice Classic was taken sometime early Saturday from the front of his home in the Providence Plantation community of southeast Charlotte.

That steering wheel, near as we can tell, merely includes Davis’ name, not a photo of him (though the chrome could certainly act as an effective mirror with which Davis could also gaze at his own visage).

But really, why on earth would anybody steal that car? You certainly can’t drive it anywhere - not without repainting it, completely overhauling nearly every aspect of the interior, and finding the license plate of somebody else with a 1975 Caprice Classic. And if you’re going to go through all that trouble, dude, just buy your own damn car.

There’s an alternative scenario, of course, in which Davis - for whatever reason - was an active participant in the disappearance of the car, and is covering his tracks. That’s pure 100% speculation on our part, nothing more (so please do not get mad at us and lineback our brains in, sir), but it makes slightly more sense than someone being dumb enough to swipe that ride and think he can do a damn thing with it without being caught immediately.