Ask A Sports Blog: Which Hoopster To Take First

It’s time again for ASK A SPORTS BLOG, where high profile athletes and sports celebrities turn the table and ask their most pressing questions to a rising young Internet sports website. (With complete anonymity, of course.)

Ask A sports Blog - How to pick how to pick first pick

Dear Sports Blog,

Tonight my basketball team will be selecting amateur basketball players in an orderly fashion to our franchise. We have the first pick in the league! I’m excited. But I’m also apprehensive. See, I’m afraid we’ll pick wrong. There are two great options, but I feel like a I have a 50-50 chance of selecting the right player or dooming our basketball team to further failures. Given this, what mode of luck determination do you think we should use in using the first overall pick? I’m leaning toward tarot cards.


Cognitive In Chicago

Dear Cognitive,

Tarot cards are meant for predicting the future, not for deciding what to do in the future. Please consult your local guild of augurs and gypsies. They’ll set you straight.

But more to the point, you have several options to narrow down your two options!

Coin flip — Reliable. Durable. Versatile in any situation, provided the situation has two choices.

Six-sided die — Popular. Fun. An American classic. Then you can play Yahtzee afterwards.

Picking petals off a flower — Romantic. Suspenseful. But high maintenance.

Putting names into a hat — A good premise, but there’s a lot of overhead here. Plus it raises more questions. What type of hat do you use? Do you write the names in paper or pen? Who writes the names down? Do you throw in Sam Bowie’s name just for good karma?

Draft Derrick Rose — What gives? Tuffy, get out of my post!

Random-number generator — A trendy pick, although this option has character issues. Let’s not forget the lesson from “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory,” that computers trained by humans to tell them things can sometimes develop a moral ethos by themselves.

Ping-pong balls — Ill-advised. A horrible way to select something randomly.

Now this raises the question of what is the best method of randomization. Which one is the right one for you? Well, you’ll need tarot cards to figure that one out.

Good luck finding the player of your future!

–A Sports Blog