Ask A Sports Blog: Pro Golfer Needs Rehab Help

Sometimes reporters ask athletes questions. Sometimes reporters ask sports blogs questions. And once in a while sports blogs ask athletes questions. But since when do athletes turn to us, the sportsblogdecahedron, for guidance?

Well, never. Until now, in ASK A SPORTS BLOG, wherein we answer questions by athletes and sports celebrities who are lost and without guidance. Their anonymity is of the utmost importance and will not be compromised.

Ask A Sports Blog - Who is that golfer guy?

Dear Sports Blog,

I’m a professional golfer who has won several major championships. But this year, it hasn’t been easy for me. I had surgery on one of my knees — for the sake of anonymity, I’d rather not say — and one of the biggest tournaments of the year is coming up! There’s a lesser tournament this week, but I’m not sure if I should participate in it. I don’t think I’m ready. But a lot of writers are saying I should. Help!

Sincerely,
Waggled In Windermere

Dear Waggled,

I think it was my first grade teacher, Mrs. McMacken, who said that you have to be yourself and forget about what other kids say about you at recess. Of course, instead of kids, it’s grown-ups. And instead of recess, it’s major metropolitan newspapers and cable television. The metaphor still remains, though.

As it turns out, she was wrong. That was bad advice. It’s really important what other people say about you! Because they’re the ones who get to decide what your image really is. These writers might have just snuck in a quick 9 at The Gilded Valley Of Crickling Creek or whatever exclusive club they belong to, and shanked five balls into the water on that impossible Par 3, but their lack of golf skills is because they spend so much time and energy thinking about what you should do.

Now personally I haven’t gone through surgery, but I’ve seen the word in the dictionary. Surgery, according to the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, is “the art, practice, or work of treating diseases, injuries, or deformities by manual or operative procedures.” Ouch! That sounds painful. But the surgery is over. And the “advice doctor” always prescribes 72 holes of competitive-but-not-important golf to precede 72 holes of competitive-and-really-important golf.

Take it from me, a Sports Blog. I read a lot of stuff. I copy and paste a lot of quotes. I eat a lot of Wheat Thins. These writers know what they’re talking about. They probably interviewed Jack Nicklaus, the Golden Bear, himself!

I wish you the best of luck in your upcoming golf tournaments, and hope your golf game is at its best. I wish I could hold out the same hope for my short game, though! :-)

Yours forever,
–Sports Blog