Ask A Sports Blog: Conflicted Feelings About DHs

It’s time again for ASK A SPORTS BLOG, where high profile athletes and sports celebrities turn the table and ask their most pressing questions to a rising young Internet sports website. (With complete anonymity, of course.)

Ask A sports Blog - DH dilemma

Dear Sports Blog

I am the commissioner for a very successful baseball league. One half of the league requires the pitcher to bat, while the other half is allowed to have a designated hitter. Well, recently, one of the more prominent baseball teams, one which uses a DH, had their team president speak out about how both leagues should have the same rules, specifically, the DH. While I can’t help but wonder if he’s saying this just because his pitcher got injured while having to run the bases in a game against the other league, he does bring up a point that has kept me up for a couple nights. Should I standardize the rules of our league?

Mulling In Milwaukee

Dear Mulling,

Remember in 8th grade when you had to read George Orwell’s Animal Farm? It demonstrated the ramifications of taking a society and making everyone equal. Now, I forget how it ended, since I was distracted and the girl in who sat in front of me was one of the first in our English class start “growing into her sweater.” But I do remember that the animals had adorable names!

Now, since you haven’t specifically said what league you run, I’m going to take a wild guess that most of these sports clubs use animals as mascots. If that’s true, then that’s a good start! Now try and change the rest of the teams to animals as discretely as possible. If you have anything human like the Generals or Fishermen or Visigoths, change them! It’s no wonder this clearly distraught team president feels like there’s an unevenness in the league. He might be one of these non-animal teams. Or if he does control an animal team, and this injury happened against a human-sounding mascot, then that’s not fair either! The other guys have opposable thumbs, which is a clear advantage.

Or maybe this team doesn’t have enough money, and an injury to his player is unfair because everyone else gets cash to spend on better players. Could that be it? Perhaps you should credit the team the salary this injured player deserves.

Whatever the reason, it’s your job as a baseball commissioner to ensure that teams like this are kept happy at all times.

Keep on shining!
–A Sports Blog