“Arvydas Sabonis Look-Alike Sperm”: Want Some?

For those who have problems with the traditional methods of producing babies - waiting for the stork, as we understand it, since all bloggers are virgins - there’s always the option of using a sperm bank.

Arvydas Sabonis baby
(So cute, SO CUUUUUUTE!)

Now, most people wouldn’t trust their ovaries to just any random babyjuice, so the donors are subjected to rigorous testing and profiling (frankly, we’d think “would j/o into a paper cup for money” would be one hell of a disqualifier, but desperation is a powerful force). But then, of course, there’s also looks. And if you’re going to raise someone else’s sperm… don’t you want it to look like someone famous?

PITTSBURGH SPORTS AND MINI-PONIES has the surreal story of California Cryobank - oh, I’m sorry, you thought this could possibly happen anywhere but California? - and its idea of finding celebrity lookalikes for its sperm donors:

Apparently, some sperm-donation company sells look-a-like kids. As in not looking like you…looking like some random “celebrities.” And you better believe there’s some Steelers involved.

(From a reader): ‘GOING THROUGH THE LIST OF CELEBS TWO POP’ED OUT

BEN ROETHLISBERGER AND HEATH MILLER’

Yes, it’s a Pittsburgh site, so they’ll be talking about Steelers. But before we even got through the ‘A’ section of the list, we found one of the most terrifying athletes of the late 20th century, one Arvydas Sabonis. You may remember him from the ’90s-era Trailblazers. Or from your nightmares.

Like we said, we barely scratched the surface of the list before deciding this needed to be written about. Go here for the list and please, by all means, share your best finds. There are some true gems.