Arkansas State, despite sounding fictional, is not only a real school, but one with a I-A football program and everything. If you already knew they were called the Red Wolves, you are either A) an alumnus or B) a liar.

(Is Red Wolf crying, or just really poorly drawn? Honestly can’t tell here.)

Paul Stephens is a former Red Wolf (Wolf? Wolve? If Toronto’s the Maple Leafs, ASU should be Red Wolfs). Before this weekend, though, his status had yet to be so severely downgraded from “starting” to “former.” But he had to rob a man, you see, just had to, consequences be damned. And as it turns out, footballl’s the least of his concerns now.

As ARKANSAS SPORTS 360 reports, Stephens’ robbery ended with a triple whammy of suck: shot in the abdomen, arrested, and booted from the team.

Stephens was reportedly shot on Saturday trying to break into the apartment of former Arkansas State football player Antonio Williams, who reported an intruder and fired a gunshot through his door. Stephens, who was listed as a starting defensive back following the Red Wolves’ spring drills, was hospitalized after the shooting with a wound in his midsection, treated and then taken into police custody, according to a report.

ASU coach Steve Roberts announced the dismissal of Stephens and two other athletes, neither of whom were named in Stephens’ police report, with a monumental understatement:

“We continue to have expectations of a standard of conduct that produces a positive image of our program, and these three young men failed to live up to those expectations,” said Roberts. 

Whatever Leroy Trahan and Jarriel Norman (the other two dismissed players) did, we might never know; the school announced that they would have no further comment on the former Wolfs. Just by sheer probability, though, we doubt it was as egregiously ill-informed as Stephens, who’s probably three years of poverty and/or prison abuse away from starring in another episode of When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong.