Drunk, Deadly Handrail Riding Trifecta Now In Play

Stop us if you’ve heard this one before (actually, maybe you have!): a fan gets deeply inebriated at a ball game, tries to attempt some challenging feat that requires equal parts athletic skill and alcoholic bravado, fails miserably, and perishes for the effort.

Turner Field cringe

Please insert “Turner Field”, “sliding down a handrail”, and “25-year-old man who used to answer to Justin Hayes” where needed above and you’ve got the gist of what happened last night. Oh, and “falling 120 feet, bouncing off concrete and metal along the way”.

Nice visual for the kids on the way to the bathroom for the third time during the game, right? “Daddy, I don’t like baseball anymore! Also, I peed myself.”

Please excuse us if we’re a little vulgar about this one. Somewhere, Justin Hayes’ mother has to hear that all of her attempts over the years to tell her son to not get himself killed while trying to surf down four flights of stairs on the handrail went for naught and the child she gave up her summer afternoons for to take to Little League games just opened his skull on Ted Turner’s floors.

In case your own mother failed to tell you this lesson or you’ve forgotten her entreaties, let’s clear something up. For every one of these:

There’s a dozen of these:

Homer Simpson falls

Homer Simpson falls

Homer Simpson falls

Homer Simpson falls

Any questions? Thanks.

The More You Know