to Continue to Sell Cockfighting Magazines

YOU CAN TAKE AN ARRAY OF COCKFIGHTING PRODUCTS FROM AMAZON’S COLD, DEAD HANDS: Despite threat of a lawsuit, is sticking to its guns and fighting censorship. After all, it’s the American way.

Hence, it will continue to sell two magazines about cockfighting.

Lord knows you don’t want to get those cockfighting activists against you. If they put a boycott in motion, there’s no telling what economic impact it could have against the giant online retailer.

Jeff Bezos — the 1999 TIME Person of the Year — is also happy to offer you this pro-cockfighting shirt, which reads, in part: “Preserve Southern Heritage.”

And now, I’m gonna throw myself out the window. But not before I finish reading another best-seller, “Anal Sex for Couples: A Guaranteed Guide for Painless Pleasure.”