Or See Latent Homosexual Basketball Association

Billy Byler of the AUGUSTA CHRONICLE has what seems like a harmless press release about the formation of a basketball minor league:

All American Basketball Alliance

(Literalists, go no further.)

The All-American Basketball Alliance announced in a news release Sunday evening that it intends to start its inaugural season in June and hopes Augusta will be one of 12 cities with a team.

Thankfully Byler, and Rick Chandler, kept reading.

“Only players that are natural born United States citizens with both parents of Caucasian race are eligible to play in the league.”

Brilliant! So who’s the bigot mastermind behind this bright idea?

Don “Moose” Lewis, the commissioner of the AABA, said the reasoning behind the league’s roster restrictions is not racism.

“There’s nothing hatred about what we’re doing,” he said. “I don’t hate anyone of color. But people of white, American-born citizens are in the minority now. Here’s a league for white players to play fundamental basketball, which they like.”

“Would you want to go to the game and worry about a player flipping you off or attacking you in the stands or grabbing their crotch?” he said. “That’s the culture today, and in a free country we should have the right to move ourselves in a better direction.”

“People will come out and support a product they can identify with. I’m the spoken minority right now, but if people will give us a chance, it’ll work… The white game of basketball, which is essentially a fundamental game, works.”

My goodness, how unthinking and insensitive can one man be?

Never thought I’d see the day that jews and homosexuals wouldn’t be excluded in such a noble endeavor. Gypsies too! (Guessing they’ll be the boiled peanut vendors.)

Lewis also said that in order for a franchise to succeed, “We need a local person ingrained into the community to make this successful.

If Lewis is able to locate such upstanding citizens in 12 southern cities, I’m sure local law enforcement would be much appreciated.

As it’s such a deserving cause, I thought’d I’d give Mr. Lewis a recommendation for Atlanta’s power forward:

John Rocker

No brainer, so long as Mr. Lewis thinks she’s light-skinned enough to use the water fountain.