All U.S. Resources Drained, Daly Invades Europe

Now that poor play has overcome Americans’ penchant for beer-gutted “everymen” who make Joe Sixpack seem athletic and cultured, John Daly will be taking his act to the European Tour.  Having outlasted most of his PGA Tour performance exemptions and now relying on a dwindling few sponsor invitations in the States, Big John needs a continent where his novelty act still carries some weight.

John Daly

(Will this repair our international image, or should we have sent a gift basket?)

Europeans, long known for their tolerance of boorish American slobs, will surely be dazzled by their new import.  Seeing a man who can break his weight in kilograms on the links will no doubt delight Britons, Spaniards, Germans, and the like.  Some factoids about Daly’s current golf game after the jump.

According to GOLF INTERNATIONAL MAGAZINE ONLINE:

The 42-year-old Daly has made just five cuts in 16 events this year, bringing in just $56,017. His best finish was a tie for 40th at the Viking Classic and he plummeted to No. 737 in the world ranking. He hasn’t had a top 10 in three years and his erratic behavior has cost him some of the support that made him one of the sport’s most popular players.

If an overweight, chain smoking, mulleted, drunken redneck who occasionally breaks 80 can’t restore our international credibility, I don’t know who can.  Much like the aliens in Independence Day, Daly has harvested all the resources of his current home and must relocate his armada over a new land.