As we all prepare to completely ignore the latest ignominious episode of O.J. Simpson’s life, Channel Nine in Australia is attempting to keep pace with Fox-TV. But instead of featuring an ex-athlete turned bloodthirsty lunatic, the Aussies feature an ex-athlete who is a thirsty lunatic. VERY thirsty.

In a story aired Sunday, former World Welterweight Boxing Champion Lester Ellis revealed that for 15 years, he drank 40 beers per day.

The alcoholic Ellis hit bottom earlier this year, when he thrice attempted suicide.

In addition to laying in front of a train and jumping into oncoming traffic, Ellis strolled into a Melbourne video store with a samurai sword and two knives - only to be subdued by police (whom he begged to shoot him).

Ellis is now on medication and attends AA meetings “several times a week“. It’s a feel-good finish, I just hope the piece doesn’t give Simpson any ideas about samurai swords.