Michael Jordan has plenty of money to make back after his (alleged) $168m divorce settlement in 2007. That may explain why he is commemorating the least successful parts of his career to rebuild the coffers. That’s right; it’s the Air Jordan Retro 1 Opening Day Pack, marking his illustrious Birmingham Barons career!

(Warning: Shoe will not help you with breaking pitches)

The dapper home and away models will retail for $105 each on March 29th, the same date as the Civil Rights Game between the White Sox and the Mets. A T-shirt with his baseball number will also drop on the same date. No explanation has been provided why there is no alternate home shoe, green shoe, or camouflage shoe yet.

This idea certainly bears less embarrassment than the slightly more honest Air Jordan Retro Hold on 16 Temporary Retirement Slippers, but it’s awfully close. If there is true market demand in celebrating a career .202/.289/.266 minor league line, then perhaps sneaker aficionados can look forward to future editions in a similar vein:

• Air Jordan Retro Opening Day Pack 2: Honors Terry Francona, who has gone on to a more successful post-retirement career
• Air Jordan Retro Draft Day Pack 1: Wizards colors; extraordinarily soft; special coupon can be mailed in with shoe to get Jordan to sign the shoe and lace them back up after six-month waiting period
• Air Jordan Retro Draft Day Pack 2: Bobcats colors; extraordinarily soft; special coupon can be mailed in with shoe to get Jordan to sign the shoe and lace them back up after six-month waiting period
• Air Jordan Retro Draft Day Pack 3: Knicks colors; extraordinarily soft; special coupon can be mailed in with shoe to get James Dolan to bring his band to your party
• Air Jordan Retro College Pack 1: University of Illinois colors; extraordinarily tough; special coupon can be mailed in with shoe to get Jeffrey Jordan to play in them